School Frustration

Poor Sam. He's really had a rough time adjusting to school. He likes to go, and is always upset on Saturday when we don't go anywhere. He seems to like his teacher, and is in love with having so many kids to play with. He calls them all his friends, and will list their names. He likes to read them off the snack schedule.

But it's not easy to get up at 6:15 in order to be dressed and fed before the bus arrives. And although he usually catches a nap on the bus on the way home, he gets home at 4:10-ish in the afternoon. It's a lot for such a young boy. They have a 'quiet time' rest period, but it's short, and he's probably too wound up from lunch and recess and snack to really let himself chill out. I also think they put in a video, which is another thing that revs Sam up, depending on the content. Sure, I have a few videos at home that I can put in for him to zone out to, but he's not really resting, and sometimes winds up even more supercharged afterward, or extra cranky.

The biggest problem he faces is social. Sam does not have the social graces of your average five-year-old. He invades personal space, grabs on and won't let go, or if he feels provoked, he'll even hit. This gets worse if he's all revved up. He can be managed, calmed down, but it requires a bit of effort. Someone needs to get him over to a quiet spot, and physical contact to ground him is the best, so a back rub, brushing and compressions, a vibrating back massager, or our spinning chair like we have at home. (we bought it at IKEA, it's awesome, has a canopy that closes the child into an egg-shaped space, and can spin around in circles endlessly, I recommend it for any child with sensory integration issues!!!!) I'd send a chair for Sam to school, but they're expensive and I can't afford it.

Sam has now been sent home from school twice. The first time he lasted until after lunch, when he'd already been to the principal's office to be reprimanded, and they simply couldn't get him to calm down. I found him sitting quietly on a chair in the principal's office. It was a Monday, and I think he was too excited to be back at school. I think it was the first or second Monday of school. Yesterday, another Monday, I got the call at 9:15. This time he'd hit another kid, the teacher didn't have an aide, the principal wasn't available, and there are 22 kids in the class, so the teacher decided she couldn't cope with Sam. The office called me to come get him because they didn't know what else to do.

Now, I understand the teacher's position, but to send a kid home because he hit another kid, without trying some other kind of intervention? It seems that they don't have any kind of behavior intervention program in place. I did warn them, or tried to, that Sam would need a LOT of extra help in adjusting to being in a large classroom. He's a special-needs kid, and I can't afford to lawyer up yet, but I'm about to storm in there and demand that they understand his rights to an education. It's hard, because I know what they're up against. Limited funding, not enough teachers, no money to hire enough aides, (Sam really needs his own aide for the first couple of hours of school), and apparently a decided lack of special ed resources. Sam is a very smart little kid. He reads, does basic math, and seems to learn the academic things I teach him very easily. I don't care about him missing out on academic content at school, yet, but I do very much resent that instead of addressing his issues and teaching him appropriate social behavior, they send him home. At home, I can teach him any academic subject, not a problem. But I can't teach him the social graces. I can rehearse scripts with him for dealing with other kids, but I can't help him actually use them.

We don't have a social life. period. I don't know anyone yet, so I don't know how to set up playgroups, or who I could invite. I'm getting so frustrated with his school that I think I'd rather homeschool, but Sam won't learn the social skills he needs if I keep him home. Sometimes I wonder if we didn't make a mistake in moving. I know our reasons were valid - better special ed services available, especially speech and occupational therapies, but we certainly lost what would have been a tremendous support net at San Vicente. I know the teachers and staff there would have moved mountains to work with Sam and help him adapt. But they have to outsource their various therapies, and Sam still needs that.

Well, Awyn is downstairs by herself, and I hear her getting into things she shouldn't be, so I had better go down and stop her from destroying the house.